


Dear Diary

by lonelyrainbow



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex has feelings, Danvers Sisters, Diary/Journal, F/F, Implied Kara/Lena, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-10-10 11:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10436508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyrainbow/pseuds/lonelyrainbow
Summary: Alex writes a secret diary. She writes about her days, her feelings. I'm starting with 2x03 where she met Maggie. Every chapter will be about one episode.NOW COMPLETE





	1. 2x03

**Author's Note:**

> I will try this. Let me know if you wanna read more. Planning on doing this for every episode including her struggles with coming out and her feelings for Maggie. Maybe rating is going up when she has some more adult feelings for Maggie *winky wink*  
> Enjoy!

What a day. Kara is gone now. We talked a lot about her new job. Snapper is pretty hard on her, but she will come around. Eventually. Snapper is no Cat Grant after all, but I think she will learn from him.  
She swooned about the great Lena Luthor, though. How beautiful and strong she is. Like the perfect woman. Hahaha. But she’s not so keen on Lena’s opinion about aliens. We will see how this will develop in the future. 

I met someone new, too.  
Detective Maggie Sawyer.  
So the president was coming to National City for this Amnesty act thing. (Kara was on Supergirl duty and was sooo nervous about her. So funny. I mean she is Supergirl, right?)  
So Kara was on duty and of course someone wanted to kill the president. There I met Detective Sawyer. Maggie. I was very sceptic of her at first, I mean she was on my crime scene and criticized my work. Then she figured out I was DEO and brought me into this dive bar to get information about our suspect. There were aliens and humans. They were just drinking peacefully their beer and being there without violence. Very different from my job. I was a bit nervous surrounded by them all, but she calmed me down and talked with me. Seems like not all aliens are hostiles. Her revelation that she is gay surprised me. I mean she didn’t looked like one. I mean can someone look like one?  
And she had relationships with aliens. This shocked me.  
Oh god. Felt like I was in the wrong movie.

She went missing at the president’s event because of this alien woman. Kara was blaming herself and I was worried. I mean I just met her and she was already in danger.  
We found her unharmed (thank god!) after I threatened that guy in the bar. I actually like the bar. It’s comfy and intimate and not too loud. It smells weird there, but still I like it.  
Don’t know why actually.  
So Kara and I saved Maggie from this fire girl. Maggie was her confident self, she even knocked that woman out and had fun doing it. So badass. Just like me. Hahaha.  
I think I can get used to working with her. We make a pretty good team. That’s what she said. And I think so, too.  
She has a girlfriend. Don’t know if I wanna know more about that. But no wonder she has one, she’s not bad looking and she's got character. Must be pretty smart too, when she’s already a detective and in the science division.

Now I’m alone here. Lying on my bed.  
I like being alone sometimes, but I also feel like something is missing. Enjoying the silence.  
Should take some painkillers before bed. That fire girl was pretty rough with her blows. Hopefully there won’t be much of a fight the next days.  
Maybe I see Maggie again.  
Good night.  
Alex


	2. 2x04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex' thoughts in/about 2x04 (the one with the fight club and Maggie in the dress). First feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With so much time on my hands I wrote already the next one. Hope you like :)

There has been a lot happening here the last few days. J’onn found another martian, but she seems very reserved and don’t want to engage with him. I think he really was hoping for something familiar from Mars. The whole fight club circus didn’t help with their connection. I really hope that J’onn knows that we’re his family and stand on his side as good as we can. Must be so hard for him, to have a martian so near, but yet so far away.

The new alien we found some time ago (Mon-El from Krypton’s neighbor Daxam), who we thought was hostile, isn’t so bad at all. He didn’t hurt anyone yet, but seems like he needs some guidance from Kara.  
Kara one the other side is still fighting to find her place as a reporter and I wish I could make this process easier for her.  
The story with the underground fight club seemed to have made an impression on Snapper. Maybe it gets better for her now.

The fight club brought me back together with Maggie. I was elated when she called me. Must have left an impression on her as well. My heart was racing when I saw her caller ID. Not sure why. Probably was just happy to have another case with her.  
It’s nice to have someone to talk about all this science stuff without going on her nerves or boring them to tears. It’s like we were working together since forever. She has great ideas and a smart mind.  
When she got hit by that guy and fell on the ground unconscious, I was scared. In fact I was really scared. I think I like having her as work partner. Maybe we can even be friends. She seems so nice and I like her stubbornness and that she can keep up with me.  
I’m not really having friends outside the whole super friends group, so it’s nice that I get along with her.  
She looked also very beautiful in that dress when we met for the fight club event. So pretty! And she thought I looked good, too. She took my hand and we walked in there like we belonged. Almost like a couple. I have no idea if she wanted it to be like that. It felt weird, but also good. I was so nervous entering the venue, because I had no gun with me, but I trusted her.  
When the fighting began and Supergirl came, I was actually relieved. Seemed like Maggie had it all under control with the civilians. She’s really good at her job. Kara had her ass kicked, but she got her revenge later and won. Thanks to Mon-El’s inside knowledge.

Something strange happened that evening, too. I felt something like...jealousy. Wow! That is difficult to admit. I would never say that to anyone, but I was jealous that Maggie went on a date with her girlfriend instead of me after all that. They even kissed in front of me. That was weird.  
Is it weird that I feel jealousy? I mean we are only friends. We don’t know each other for that long and we are nothing more than that.  
There was a sting, a knot in my stomach. Never had that before. It was like I couldn’t breathe for a moment.  
I just wanted to drink something with her and talk about the case and her and maybe me. I have the strange need to get to know her better. It’s so easy to be with her and be myself. Why am I feeling like this?  
Drinking alone now. Can’t get her out of my mind. Should maybe tell Kara about that. Or not. It’s stupid anyway.


	3. 2x05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This episode is like in 4 parts. Different stages of Alex' situation with Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! This part was a lot of fun and difficult at the same time. All mistakes are mine.

Maggie and I had a nice evening today till she went home alone. We played pool like so often in the last weeks. It’s so comfortable to be with her. But she was a little off tonight. Her girlfriend broke up with her. She took it hard, I’m worried about her. She’s always so strong, but tonight she seemed so...wounded. This girl must hit her pretty hard with her accusations and insults.  
I mean, why would anyone break up with her, she’s caring and beautiful and strong and driven and a wonderful person. I’m so pissed at that girl, why did she hurt Maggie like this?  
She even left, when I wanted to talk about her feelings with her. Maybe she isn’t trusting me with this. Maybe we’re not this close. Or she’s… I don’t know.   
She is always on my mind and I want her happy.   
I should get her out of her hole and we should do something more than just play pool and drink. Maybe movies or dinner. Maybe than she will talk.  
I wonder if she has friends who she is close with. She never talks about anyone…  
I like her, she’s my first close friend since...I don’t know when. The only other person, who I feel this close with, is Kara.  
Is this normal that I think so much about Maggie?  
It’s just because I am worried about her. That’s it. I have to make her happy again. I will text her tomorrow and see how she’s doing.  
Night

~~

She thinks I’m gay!!?!  
Me? gay?  
Oh my god, what?  
I tried to invite her to do something so we can talk and maybe I could help her with the rejection of her girlfriend and now she thinks I hit on her. She said she read me wrong. What does that even mean?  
I mean I like her. As a friend. A close friend. I want her happy.  
I like her. As a friend right?  
Nothing more.  
I don’t know what I’m even feeling...  
She caught me totally off guard there. My heart was jumping out of my chest there, like I was caught at something I didn’t even knew I was doing.  
Is she right?  
How many men I had feelings for? Well actually none.  
How many girls?...  
…  
Oh fuck.  
Vicky.  
That girl in college. Tiffany. We kissed when we were drunk.  
But that was just experimenting, right?  
I just haven’t met the right guy. That’s it.  
I’m not one for dating. Just waiting to get swept of my feet by someone. The right guy.  
That must be it.  
I’m not into girls.  
I’m not into Maggie. Winn said it’s not like I’m into Maggie.   
My heart made an extra beat when he said that. I’m not, right?  
I’m just admiring her for the woman she is. My friend.   
What if I’m actually a l…  
I don’t want to be gay.  
I want to be normal.  
I should talk with Kara about that. She will help me, hopefully.  
She will tell me, that everything is ok and Maggie just interpreted me wrong.  
I will go to her tomorrow.  
I should sleep. Another drink and then sleep.  
It’s just a misunderstanding.

~~

I almost told her!  
I couldn’t. She had problems with Mon-El and then Lena Luthor surprised her. If I didn’t knew better I would say these two have lovey-dovey eyes for each other.   
So Kara is going to do an Operation Doubtfire on Lena’s party.   
But i don’t have to be there.   
I figure like Mon-El I have to figure myself out.   
I changed a lot over the years, but I never thought about this possibility. Maybe …  
I won’t be perfect anymore. I want to be perfect. I have enough flaws and now this. Is this a flaw?  
Am I a failure?  
No…  
I’m a good agent. A good sister.  
I haven’t had much luck with dating. So?  
I’m so torn about this. What is right? Is this wrong?  
How will I do this? What will change? Will I change?  
I don’t know. I am almost 28 and now I find myself. This is so confusing.  
I need a drink.

~~

 

I can’t stop thinking about this. I’m not into men.  
Maggie is right.  
I couldn’t say it out loud, but I said she is right.  
She was so devastated about the case, but she encouraged me and didn’t push me. She listened and I fled. Oh my god. I practically came out to her.   
I actually looked after her, because I was worried. She was drinking again. She looked so sad, I wished I could have hugged her, but she asked about me and apologized for her forwardness the other day.  
So we talked, well I talked.  
She listened. I wanted to puke and cry and go away and never come back.  
She is right. I like women. I like her.   
She gives me feelings I never had before.  
She gives me butterflies, but I will never admit that to anyone.  
She takes my breath away. Oh god.  
I like her.  
I can’t say that to her. She will laugh, I’m sure.  
This is me now.  
I like Maggie.  
I must get used to this.

But maybe it’s just a phase, a little crush and it will go away. Hopefully.   
I can’t do this.  
Well then good night to me

PS: Maggie texted. She will listen, when I wanna talk. I can’t. She is so ...wow.  
Now I need a drink.


	4. 2x06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her coming out to Kara and the first kiss!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is dedicated to my australian friend Aimee, who's birthday was this week. I hadn't had the time so long to write because of work and an incredible weekend with my wife, but I'm happy to finally finish this part. I love this storyline and I'm excited to continue with it and explore Alex' inside voice. Enjoy!

He knows. I’m absolutely sure he knows that I like girls, that I like Maggie. J’onn is sitting next to me, reading a paper or something. I thought this might be a good time to write in here. Even the DEO Jet needs some time from National City to Norway.  
This evening was great. First of all: Kara drunk is the funniest thing ever. She couldn’t even talk straight anymore. I went to the bar to get her and then guess who I met. Of course. It was Maggie. After my, should I say, confession to her, I was pretty silent and we texted once in awhile. When I saw her, I melted. Her smile gave me so many butterflies, I can’t. We haven’t seen each other for a few days, but her smile and dimples were always on my mind. I asked her what I should do now. I have no idea what to do next. I mean, I realized and then, what do people do? Nothing or a big coming out party?  
She told me about the coming out to her family. Seems like it was okay. She hasn’t gone in too much detail, but I figured her parents were supportive. She said I should tell Kara. My family.   
I will do that, but what will she say????  
I wish I would know. Will she still be my sister? Will she hate me? Will she be disappointed in me? I don’t know. I thought I’m an intelligent person, but seems like I’m not knowing anything. I’m really feeling like a kid again. I have a big fat crush and drawing hearts in my diary. I’m pathetic.  
Plane is landing. J’onn is looking to me with his encouraging smile. I’m sure he knows.   
Ps: Maggie wants me to have a full happy life and she is my friend through all of this. She said I’m real and all my feelings are real. She really knows what to say. I like her so much! 

~~

After I was back from Norway, I had to talk to Kara. I got her alone on a walk, but I had no idea how to start this conversation. So I started about Maggie and went from there. I shouldn’t have done it.  
I was so...nervous? Scared? I mean what would she say? I told her about my feelings for Vicki and the fight that ended the friendship, just over this stupid boy and my jealousy. Kara was just as skeptical, as I would be in her situation.  
Her hesitation was breaking my heart. She was questioning me. I haven’t been dating much lately. It’s not like I’m going out that much and guys throw themselves at me.  
I left her there standing. I couldn’t stand the way she looked at me. I couldn’t look her in the eyes and didn’t wanted to talk anymore. This was so difficult and I felt like I had to proof that this is the right choice. But it’s not a choice. I finally get my feelings and this talk was not helpful.

I haven’t talked with Kara while on duty and she didn’t wanted me with her when she went home to rest. That was so strange! We could talk about anything before and now, she didn’t wanted me with her to talk.  
She is probably totally disappointed in me, that I’m not perfect anymore. Failure all the way. I won’t have a perfect husband, no kids. I will always be married to my job and to my job protecting her. That’s all. Fuck my life. And Maggie? She just wants to be friends I’m sure. Just thinking about her makes my heart race. I feel so lost.  
I will check on Kara later, just need a bit sleep first.

~~

I checked on her, even if I didn’t say so and she talked.  
She said why, she was so...full of questions.  
I was so scared, that she would be disappointed in me being gay. There I said it!  
But she’s not. She felt guilty for never talking with me about me. Just about her and her secrets.  
Now we talked about my secret and it feels great. I’m so relieved.  
I told her about Maggie, how wonderful she is. Totally giddy right now. Can’t wait to see her again and tell her!!

~~

I feel terrible. Humiliated. I can’t stand this feeling. Everything hurts inside.  
I kissed her!  
I kissed her straight on the mouth and it was like fireworks. Total cliché but so true.  
And then she smacked me in the face with her words even when they were meant to be nice.  
Just friends, she wants to be friends.  
I kissed her and then I left. She wasn’t allowed to see my tears. She broke my heart and I can’t even say I don’t want to see her again, because I want to see her again but it hurts so bad.

Kara was here and held me crying. I drunk so much, I just want to forget all my feelings.  
I’m lying in bed right now, her image burnt in my head. Her smile. Her bright eyes. Her words in my ears and the feeling of her soft lips on mine. It was like a dream. Was this real? Are my feelings real, or do I just have a crush because she likes me like I am?  
I want to know if there are really no more feelings on her site!? I can’t quite believe this. The prettiest woman ever, wants to just be friends. She broke me and my heart. I wish I could forget everything...


	5. 2x07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is a frustrated and angry nugget and beats herself up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in an hour. So all mistakes are mine. I wish I had more time to write. Enjoy!

She tried calling me today. Again. I couldn’t answer. The pain is still underneath my skin. Everytime I see her name or think of her, there is this sting in my stomach and I want to puke.  
I’m an agent for the government and I want to puke when I see a girl's name. Pathetic.  
The distance is good. Not to see her every day. I answer her texts sometimes just to let her know I’m okay and she don’t need to worry. This hurts, but I can bear it. 

 

She is always on my mind. When I want to sleep, she’s there. Her smile, her bright eyes and her soft voice talking to me.  
I started touching myself. Oh god. This should no one ever read. I hadn’t done anything like that for so long. I didn’t needed it. But with her in my mind, it was like my body was working on its own and I was just thinking about her. This is objectifying, isn’t it?? Oh god. I feel like a teenager. I was so turned on and I came off in no time. Just the thought what it would feel like if it was her…  
I felt and still feel dirty.   
The pain came back, though. So frustrating… Fuck.

 

~~

 

She was there tonight. When I heard her voice from behind me, I almost choked on my beer. That was surprising. Well actually not. It was her place, her bar after all. I’m rolling my eyes at myself. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s not that bad, but it is. I’m head over heels for her and she just wants to be friends.  
She said so again. She likes me and it’s the situation. That I’m “fresh off the boat” or whatever. Still feels like I’m not good enough for her, not experienced enough.  
She cares about me, though. Asked why I’m not answering her calls. If she knew that it hurts like hell hearing her voice, she wouldn’t probably call anymore.  
I said I’m good and we’re friends and then she left. Still have the feeling that there is something she didn’t tell.  
The tingly feeling of meeting her didn’t left either and it’s still there. Even with the tension between us, it’s like my body wants to make up for lost time and be horny all the time when I was around her, thinking about her. Fuck.   
I really wonder what it would feel like be touched by her and feel her lips on mine again…

 

~~

 

I answered my phone when she called today. Supergirl business. She wanted me to call her.  
Even with my worrying about J’onn and all that Cadmus shit, all I can think about is her.

 

If we ever get along again like before?

 

~~

 

MY DAD IS ALIVE! What?! I can’t even comprehend this information. Kara said he saved them from Cadmus. He is working for them. We didn’t found him after. I was too late...I wish my mind wasn’t so occupied with Maggie and this whole Guardian stuff, I would have known Kara was missing and maybe I could have saved them and Dad…  
So frustrated about myself.  
J’onn is sick. I’m worried but I hope we find a cure, before it’s too late.  
Well the other thing is Guardian. It’s James.We found his evil twin and Maggie locked him up. James is still keeping this a secret.   
Speaking of Maggie…  
We talked and I spoke my mind. We’re not friends. I can’t be friends with her. I said she is an amazing woman and when I looked in her sparkling eyes, even in my rage, I… I wished we could be together and I could kiss her frown away. I wished we could be happy together…  
She was confused about my outburst, but I had to get my power back. Had to get my feelings together.  
After her visit at Kara’s tonight I gave in again. She cares about me. She wants to be friends. She cares so much about ME that she can’t imagine her life without me.  
I gave in and we will meet tomorrow. Maybe we get to talk some more. I hope she understands my hesitation towards our friendship… I mean I like her, but she doesn’t like me back. Like that.  
I think it’s more than a crush on a friend. I think there is a bond between us and the understanding of another. I love spending time with her and I will get over the pain of her rejection. I will do my best as always.


	6. 2x08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving, the Cadmus attack on the bar and Maggie :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished another chapter :) Hope you enjoy! All mistakes are mine. Comments and feedback are very appreciated. Thank you!

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and mum is coming. My nerves are already frazzled with all this Cadmus shit and now she is coming here. She is my mom and I love her, but the way she treats me about Kara and all. I hate when she’s here. I told Maggie today, when we met for a drink. She sensed that I was a little off and thinking about something. I told her about all the things Eliza Danvers, how she treated me when we were younger and I had to protect Kara at all costs. I was always the bad guy, when something happened with Kara even when I wasn’t involved.  
The pressure she put me under. The pressure I put myself under. No wonder I am like this.

So tomorrow she is coming for the family dinner. There is an elephant in the room and I should speak out. I feel like myself finally and she should know and I am so sure with this realisation that the others should know too. Maggie was so sweet and said I should take step by step and if it doesn’t feel right, I shouldn’t do it. I want to do it, but I will see how it developes tomorrow.

Urgh.

~~

I almost did it. Almost. I had the words on my tongue and then this hole appeared above the table. After that I hadn’t the guts again. I had the feeling all the boys were trying to impress Kara and Mon-El the most. He has obviously a crush on her. Of course. He tried to impress mum too. She totally got what he was trying to do. Kara didn’t. She thought he was crushing on mum. I think Kara is more interested in Lena Luthor than in him, though.  
It was a nice evening, even with Kara trying to hide the beer and wine from me. Eliza was nice. No snide remarks. No accusations.  
I wish I had the guts to tell her. She will be so disappointed. I’m not perfect anymore for her…  
If I ever was perfect. Fits in with her perception of me.

I missed Maggie tonight. Everybody had fun. My thoughts were mostly with her and I mentioned her a few times I think. I miss her. She didn’t answer my texts earlier. She probably has some fun with the bar people. She hasn’t mentioned what she’s doing…

 

~~

I called Maggie the minute I heard about the attack on the bar. She wasn’t there, thank god. She cried. Lots of her friends were in there. M’gann was not working that night. Maggie was with her, when I called. She was so angry. Sad. Devastated. We talked a little about the thanksgiving evening and how it went. I told her about my almost coming out. She was understanding like always even with the shock she was in. I really think she cares deeply for me, like I care for her. If I weren’t here in the DEO right now to solve the virus problem, I would be right with her. Hold her and console her. God, I miss her…

~~  
I saw Maggie again under dramatic circumstances. She is ok. She got hurt by this cyborg, but she is okay. When I saw her in the med bay, my heart sunk into my stomach. She was unconscious. Her shoulder was bleeding. My heart was racing so hard. What if she dies? But she didn’t. I couldn’t let that happen. So I stitched her together and she woke up. Even in her state, she had the most beautiful smile.  
I was so relieved when she opened her eyes. I wished I could have kissed her. I would have never forgiven me, when I had failed her and something had happened to her.  
I told her about the conversation with mum. Mum figured that something was on my mind and my constant talking about Maggie made her realise that I had a secret. So she knows now and she still loves me. The relief is huge that everything went well. Maggie is all right, my mum doesn’t hate me, but Cadmus is still working on cleaning the earth off aliens.

Still so much to do, but I’m so glad that I can finally be myself. I haven’t told the boys about it yet or J’onn (I think he knows though). I will do soon, when there is a good moment.

I’m still at the DEO, Maggie got released home,I finished the paperwork and this here. Could get used to writing in here and write down my feelings. Will get home soon, sun goes down already. Wasn’t home for almost 2 days.

~~

Oh my god!!!  
She came and she kissed me!!!!!  
She came and told she wants to kiss me and she DID!  
She likes me. ME.

She came with pizza and beer and then we kissed. She is so beautiful and she has so soft lips and I love her hair and her smile and everything. We kissed for what felt like hours and we talked about so many things. We sat together and ate pizza and she snuggled against me and told me about the friends she lost in the attack. We kissed and I felt complete for the first time ever. She made me feel so warm and cared for and I care so much about her.  
She left in the middle of the night. She said, she wants to go slow and she couldn’t guarantee that nothing more happens when she stayed the night. I wouldn’t have minded that, if I might say, but she’s right. We go slow.  
Our connection is so deep, she understands me and she wants to do everything right and good for me. Like I want to do for her.

I almost couldn’t sleep last night after she left. I pictured us together what would have happened if she stayed. How she would have touched me. What we would have possibly done. Thinking about that makes me already squirming again. Only thinking about that makes me all tingly and… wet. Yes I am so turned on right now. So gonna help myself before I have to get up.  
Can’t wait to see her again!


	7. 2x09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Including the first night together and their first fight.  
> Happy Alex is the best Alex :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally something new. You know what happens in 2x09 ;) I wish we would have seen more of it, but that's what fanfics are for, right? :D Enjoy and comments are always appreciated!

I hadn’t known I could feel like this. I’m sooo happy, I almost can’t handle this.  
Maggie is such a wonderful person and she makes me feel this way. We’re texting a lot over the day and visit each other whenever we can. We haven’t done anything except kissing and a little touching under the shirt, which was AWESOME by the way!!!! She’s very thoughtful and asks, whenever she touches me, where she haven’t before. That she is checking in with me, makes me feel warm and loved inside. Can’t stop smiling. She is always in my mind, even when I should concentrate.  
I have a date later with her. Have to finish my work in the lab first, analysing some new alien poison. Nothing spectacular right now at work. So nothing in the way for our first night together. OUR FIRST. I don’t know if I should hope that we do some more or if I should be nervous. I’m just so happy that we’re together and that she will sleep next to me tonight and I can hold her. My heart is racing so much, just from the thought. AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

~~

It was perfect.  
She is perfect.  
And it was perfect this morning too.  
I wish every day would start and end like this.  
We did it!  
She came over last night and took me to dinner in that cozy restaurant right around the corner. We ate there a few times, but this time was like magic in the air. So romantic. I didn’t know I’m into this whole romance stuff, but she made me all giddy and heart eyes.  
We walked home and held hands. It felt weird at first, but so right. Like we we’re meant to be together.  
So we came home and we snuggled on the couch. We kissed and it got warm and we took each others clothes off.  
She took my breath away. She was so warm and soft and careful and made it all about me.  
She did stuff to me, oh god, touched me at the right spots and I was flying.   
After I came back to my senses, I did all I wanted to her. I was a little scared that I might do something wrong, but she reassured me and her little sighs and moans told me I did right. I was in a flush from all those feelings. I forgot where I was, what I was. I only was feeling her and nothing else. This sounds again very cliché.  
We fell asleep after hours of lovemaking. She showed me this wonderful world and we continued in the morning instead of going to work.   
I never called in sick before, but I can get used to this. I can get used to being happy and being with her.  
Wow, what a night (and morning)!  
She was wearing my old shirt this morning and made coffee. She is such a cutie. I couldn’t helped it, bringing her back to bed.

When I arrived at the DEO at noon, I felt like everyone saw it, that I had phenomenal sex last night. I don’t care about what they think of me, but telling Kara that Maggie slept over made me all giddy again. So giddy that Kara didn’t wanted to have me with her for this investigation. I should have probably a guilty conscience about Kara ( I had called off Sister night yesterday too.). So I stayed and texted with Maggie. She told me that Kara had met her for information. And that we should continue later where we left this morning. That woman will be my doom.   
No, not my doom, my future.  
I’m sure.

~~

I messaged her, I tried calling her, but nothing. She is so hurt, because of me. I didn’t wanted this, but I couldn’t let my happiness have me losing Kara.  
I had to send her away. She doesn’t know that Kara is Supergirl, if she knew she would have reacted another way. It’s all my fault.  
My fault that Kara left the planet and we had to save her. My fault that Maggie is hurt and angry at me.  
I’m a bad sister and an even worse girlfriend.  
Fuck.  
I hope she will forgive me.  
I hope she will talk to me again.  
I miss her.

~~

She came and I get one. This was the one. Another mistake and she won’t forgive me again.  
I don’t want to lose her. Ever.  
She came and was angry. I explained the situation and she listened.  
She explained me, that in a relationship are no secrets. Kara was a big secret and she knew. Stupid glasses.  
I want to be happy with her and I will do everything to keep her happy, like she makes me happy.  
She stayed last night again. We talked a lot with her lying in my arms. Me caressing her, trying to sooth the pain I put her under. I told her about the other planet. Slaver’s Moon and about Roulette. How I made Winn a better agent and gave him some confidence. She said she admired my fearlessness when I’m on the field, but I said, that I don’t fear about me, only about the people I love and care about and this includes her and Supergirl and a few others. She smiled at me and kissed my cheek.   
She makes me so happy...


	8. 2x10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Livewire feat. vegan ice cream including the rescue of M'gann

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, who's using her alone time well and writing another piece in one week.  
> Another episode. Difficult to write about those 5 minutes of Alex and Maggie. Trying to think of things they do that we don't see :)  
> Hope you enjoy! Already thinking about the next parts.

I told Mags about the diary today. Well, she asked me when she came over and I wanted to write about today. She was so cute. She told me about her diary, she had when she was younger. She said it’s important and that I can tell her anything, but if I don’t want to then I should write. The important thing is that I don’t swallow my feelings down and express them. So I do, she’s taking a shower, so time is on my side.  
I’m working in the DEO right now, not so many missions outside right now. M’gann, who was in arrest for being a white martian and lying about it, had a seizure today and fell in a coma. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, neither does J’onn. I hope she will get better, for Maggie’s sake. They were good friends and it would be horrible, if Maggie loses more of her alien friends.  
Maggie told me earlier that she received a “christmas package” of criminals and their drugs. I bet Guardian has something to do with this. James should finally tell the truth and be honest to Kara.   
Apropos, Maggie and I are betting on everything. So much fun. She really wants to get me eat vegan ice cream. She loves it, but I can’t get myself to try it. It smells so weird, but she says it tastes so good. So far I won all bets and got my will. Hehe. Nothing big. She had to buy me lunch and give me a foot massage, but I reciprocated and she had her share of relaxation too… if you know what I mean. Being together with her is like...I don’t know how to describe it. It’s so easy and feels so right. And being intimate with her is so perfect. I never felt like this before.  
She’s so wonderful.  
And naked.  
She’s back from the shower. Good night

~~

Lunch break alone. Maggie is on the streets and I’m thinking bout what J’onn said. He doesn’t want to help M’gann. He is so angry at the white martians, that he doesn’t see what she did for him.  
I hope he changes his mind. Her condition is serious, but she has still some time. Maybe he will forgive her and help. She was always so nice.

Good thing Maggie slept over. We had a case together this morning. Livewire escaped (maybe?) from prison and Kara really threw a fit about her. She still is angry that Leslie was trying to kill Cat last year. Won another bet and Maggie stays again tonight at my apartment. She stays over so often, it’s like she’s already living with me.   
Sometimes it’s really difficult for me to know on which side I should stay when Kara and Maggie fight. Sister vs Girlfriend. I’m trying to be reasonable and diplomatic. Hope this is the right tactic.

So let’s see what the lab has to do for me. Maybe some news on M’gann…

~~

I knew this would happen. Kara’s angry, so pissed. I told them to tell her, but No. Now she knows and James is hurt. Maybe Kara wouldn’t have agreed with their doing, but she would have known and maybe they could have worked together earlier.

Talked again to J’onn, he still isn’t doing something, but he’s thinking about it. She’s getting worse but I understand him too.

I asked Kara for Sisters Night and Maggie too. Hope Kara comes over later to talk. I guess she’s angry with me too, that I haven’t told her earlier. But it wasn’t my story to tell and they begged me practically to do it.  
Mags is coming back right now with pizza and potstickers. Only thing missing is Kara.

~~

M’gann is back and better. J’onn saved her from her memories. We could help him, staying by his side while their minds bonded. Feels good to give him finally something back, after him being a father for so long for us. We’re family and I love this. He is so important to me, so glad he saved me from my dark path years ago.

The thing with Livewire is ended too. Kara let her go and that’s all. Maybe she won’t be so bad again. And I lost the first bet this week. Have to try vegan ice cream, hope it isn’t so bad. Maybe I can try it from a very inappropriate plate. I wouldn’t mind if I could lick it from Maggie’s stomach or boobs. Wow this sounds childish. But it would probably be awesome and sticky and messy. Wouldn’t mind to clean up afterwards. Hehe.  
She’s coming over later with her favorite flavor, gonna ask her. Maybe we can make a bet about it.

~~

Vegan ice cream on warm skin tastes delicious!  
And makes fun, lots of it!  
Doing that again!


	9. 2x11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid martians ruin the Barenaked Ladies concert night and Kara's earth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time. The Danvers sisters scenes were so good and Maggie is really a saint. Hope you enjoy! How would you feel about filling chapters, like for christmas or something? Or should I stick with the episodes? Comments would be very appreciated <3

What a night. I just came home after my visit from Kara. It’s almost 5 in the morning now.  
Maggie is sleeping next to me, but before she fell asleep again, she told me about M’gann. She had called her after she made her decision. She’s leaving practically right now. Maggie was pretty sad about it. They haven’t seen each other in a few days, because of Mag’s work schedule. They were really good friends. I liked her too. Maybe she comes back sometime. Would hope that for Maggie’s sake.

I’m still not sleepy after all that drama tonight.  
I was so excited for the concert. I mean, I couldn’t change the date, it was a coincidence that it was Kara’s earth birthday too, but Maggie gave me the tickets because she knew how much I liked the BNL. In the end I wasn’t at the concert and Kara’s earth birthday was awful too. We really should make a little party to fix that.  
I felt guilty for rejecting Kara on her special day. I feel really bad about it, but I have a life now too and I really really hope she’s understood that I would never abandon her for Maggie or anyone. She’s my sister and I will never leave her. I’m so glad Maggie knows this and supports me.   
It feels strange that the martian had talked this out with Kara when he had me copied.   
That was a really strange feeling being trapped in this state, seeing everything and listening, but I wasn’t really active in all this. Like I said to Kara earlier, it was like a dream. I’m happy that this ended well and nobody got hurt in the end, except for the martians of course.  
Kara had another problem too with Mon-El. I really don’t know what to think of him. I mean he is nice, the most time, but he had some strange opinions too. Might be because he isn’t familiar with earthly customs, but sometimes he is an ass.   
Kara should do what feels right for her. He likes her that’s obvious, and I think she likes him too in some way. I really hope she isn’t get hurt in the end (and gets happy with her other friend Lena, they have so much better chemistry).

Hopefully J’onn is okay. Thinking of M’gann leaving, made me think of him too. He likes her so much and they had gone through so much. They would have made a nice couple and it would have been good for him to have something from his old home here. We are his family and I’m sure he will be okay though.

Maggie looks so peaceful next to me. She was so thoughtful with the concert tickets and with Kara’s feelings. Gotta think of something to surprise her too, she’s just too good for this world. To me. I have the feeling that it isn’t enough what I do. She does so much for me and I? I failed her because of work, again...  
I should sleep, still feel a bit off. The sun is coming out already.  
Good night.


	10. 2x12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The official coming out in front of the superfriends, Kara likes Lena and some inappropriate thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Hope you enjoy :) Leave some comment or love if you like! Think about some filler chapters, but will post them seperately when I wrote them. If you have suggestions or ideas leave them in a comment :) Thanks for your time!

Today is the day. I’m gonna tell the others tonight that Maggie and I are together. Kara knows, but the others like Winn and James don’t, and J’onn. Well he never said anything. I think he knows, he’s psychic.  
I’m sitting with my coffee right now, Maggie left a few minutes ago and tried again to calm me down. They love me and they will be ok with this. Yeah, they probably will, but what if they don’t???  
I have to calm down. Will go to work soon, short day for me today if nothing happens. Some research in the lab. Mags meets me later here before we meet the others in the bar.  
It’s strange Maggie showed me the bar when we first met and now everyone of my friends goes there regularly. Isn’t that funny? I mean we wouldn’t know that place, if it wasn’t for my girlfriend!  
So nervous...my heart is having a mild heart attack when I think about their faces tonight. Mon-El will probably make a stupid comment and pine some more after Kara.

~~

That evening was awesome! Like Maggie said, everyone was supportive, everyone still likes me. And Maggie was the most understanding girlfriend. She calmed me down before we got there again and she held my hand. Kara was there too and was probably having the time of her life, because she knew something before the others. J’onn was supportive dad and told me he’s very proud and happy for me. He knew, he said, but wanted to give me the time to tell.  
The boys were boys and Winn tried to beat my girl at pool. Of course she won and I gave her a hell of a winner’s night afterwards. I think she enjoyed it very much. Heavy work for my tongue, but I will say I enjoyed myself in this position very much too. New fav with a very beautiful view.

The trial of Lilian Luthor begins later at court, I will go and be supportive for Kara, who is there for Lena of course and to try reporting for CatCo. Hopefully nothing out of the regular happens.  
I have the feeling Kara is pining after Lena like Mon-El pines after her. But I think Lena likes her very much too. They would be pretty cute together. 

~~

That much about “hopefully nothing happens”.  
Of course Kara had to save the world again and I almost lost her. Again.  
Lilian Luthor and Cadmus are free and hiding. There was a kryptonite explosion, because Cadmus needed to synthesize it and it was not stable. At all.  
Kara exploded almost with it, thank god for J’onn and their superspeed.  
Kara rescued Lena and proofed her innocence, in which she believed in the whole time. They are really friends who know each other. Now Lena sends her lots of flowers to thank her. That’s gay, if you ask me.  
I worked with Maggie, who needed to arrest Lena in this whole drama. Kara and her really need to talk their problems out. I feel their tension, but I don’t want to intervene, because I love them both. Hopefully they do that soon, or they’re gonna explode like that kryptonite.  
Another night with Maggie and another morning. She’s under the shower right now. I’m still in bed. Was a long and exhausting night. She wants to make waffles for breakfast. She is the best. Maybe Kara wants to join. Gonna text her.  
And there she is. Bye.

~~

...because I love them both.  
What  
I wrote that.  
love  
I love her.  
...

Yes I do.  
It’s Valentine’s soon.  
I should do something!  
Think!  
Oh my god, what should I do??


	11. 2x13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine’s Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Comments are appreciated. All mistakes are mine.

I almost lost her again. I didn’t listen, I didn’t took it seriously. She hates valentine’s day. She really really hates it, and now I know why.   
She lied to me or better she protected me from her past, from her hurt and her bad experiences. She wanted it to be better for me.  
This morning when we ate breakfast together, we talked about valentine’s. Mom sent me a card like she does every year with a cheesy quote. Maggie was so snarky. If I had known why, I hadn’t made such a fuss about making this valentine’s special. I talked with Kara and Kara encouraged me to make this about Maggie and her favorite things. So I did.  
I made a tiramisu myself, without an exploding kitchen, I bought her favorite scotch, a new bonsai tree (which is so adorable) and I bought new underwear, which I wanted to show her after a little dancing and kissing and you know…  
So she was sad and angry and told the truth about that fucking valentine’s day that ended her childhood when she broke with her family. She didn’t deserve this, nobody does. I understand why she said all the hateful comments about valentine’s. If I had known earlier...I could beat myself up.   
After she told me she left anyway. She wanted to be alone. She’s probably drinking alone at home. I sent her a message earlier and she answered a few minutes ago. I think she isn’t angry with me anymore, just sad and thinking about her past. I hope she will open up about this more. I want to help her heal this trauma. I hope she will let me.

On top of this drama, I just want to say that the love guy that Kara is dealing with, is really annoying. Two guys fighting over her, but not one of them is the right guy. Poor Kara.

~~

She surprised me and said sorry, instead of being sad and angry, she apologised (???). I don’t know why and we hadn’t had the chance to talk about that yet. She didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one. I didn’t listen to her.   
She bought a dress for me and made me a private dance in a ballroom. She was so beautiful in her tux and we danced for so long. She was happy and now next to me, she is smiling in her sleep. Her shoulders are bare, she’s lying on her stomach. The blanket covering only her lower half. Her muscles make me all tingly. What an amazing night. She’s more than I ever deserve, she deserves so much more. She is such a good person. A heart of gold, never thinking of herself. I never wanna lose her, alone the thought of this makes my heart ache. I love her. I do. I’m too scared to say it out loud but I do with all my heart. I wanna say it so bad. Does she love me too?


	12. 2x14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad is back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to finish all chapters before season 3 so using all the little time I have. So next chapter up. Maybe another right after. Enjoy! So happy about every reader and comment! Thank you for taking the time reading this :D

He is back.  
Dad is back!  
I still can’t believe it. We rescued him and he is with us now. He is alive and in a good condition for the things he’s been through.  
God, I’m so happy and Kara is happy and J’onn. We’re all so relieved.  
Just one person is not.  
Mon-El. Fuck Mon-El. He just had to suspect, that dad is evil and spies for Cadmus.  
No he’s not. He’s back with his family now, because we saved him. Not because they let us save him, to spy on us.  
This guy is so….  
Hate him.  
Maggie always feels when I’m angry, she did it again. Her hands calm me down, she’s helping me to breathe. God. She’s sitting next to me, reading a paper and writing in her report. Her fingers caress my neck. She’s looking at me, my heart bursts every time our eyes met. She knows me so well.  
So he is back and he met her. Tonight I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. Eliza was happy to see her and I’m glad that they get along. She was nice to me too, I think she was just happy to see dad after so long again, that she forgot to be mean to me.  
I was so nervous before Maggie came to the party. I didn’t know how I should greet her and how I could touch her. God, I was a nervous wreck.  
He was surprised, but I think he liked her. Who would not like her? She is the sweetest girl ever.

That day was exhausting, my eyes are so heavy and Maggie’s hand is so warm and cozy on my back… She makes me feel so loved.  
It’s like a huge weight is taken from me now, that dad is back. I always thought it is my destiny to find him and bring him back. My purpose.  
I did. So now? I can be happy?

~~

No.  
No. No.  
He’s gone.  
I didn’t shoot him.  
I couldn’t.  
I couldn’t.  
I could not do it.  
Why not?  
Why???????  
He betrayed me. He betrayed us all, he hurt us.  
AND HE SAID HE HAS DONE ALL THIS FOR ME

ME

So it’s my fault again  
I got mad that Mon-El spoke out his suspicion  
My fault.  
But he is my dad. I couldn’t.  
No.   
We we’re eye to eye and I couldn’t.  
I had the chance and I didn’t do it.  
My fault. Everything.  
So we’re back to the beginning. He is gone. He is evil and Cadmus has data to do more evil things.  
All my fault.  
I wanna be numb. I wanna be gone. I can’t live with that.  
He had all done that for me.  
Why


	13. 2x15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking Cadmus down alone and making good armcandy, all in one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :)

I can’t think about anything other than his words in the woods.  
He must be manipulated by Cadmus or something. They threaten him. I have to protect him, when we find them. The DEO can’t have him, he must go back to his family, he hurt us, but that must be because he had no other choice.  
J’onn suspended me, because I failed. Again. He tested me and I failed. He can’t trust me with this. All I can think of is protecting my dad. I actually don’t care about Cadmus. They started kidnapping aliens, even Winn’s girlfriend.  
Now J’onn suspended me, but I wanna do something. Kara took J’onn’s side. She doesn’t trust me either. Other things are more important to her.   
Maggie is here. With me.  
She said “Ride or die” and that was it. She is by my side and will help me.   
I will get fucking Cadmus and save my dad. Alone. I don’t want to endanger Maggie so I will take them down, when we have their hideout.  
Maggie is so wonderful. I broke down after that night in the woods, I didn’t have to say anything. She held me. Rescued me from drowning.   
She doesn’t know it, but it’s like she’s saving me every day.   
I have a reason to come back home, every day. So I fight and win.  
So will it be with Cadmus again. For her.  
For dad.  
Tomorrow I will take them down.

~~

I’m alive.  
Kara’s alive.  
We’re safe.  
Was I dumb doing this alone? Maybe.  
But it was a success.  
We saved the aliens from deporting.  
Kara saved me and the aliens.  
I proved that I was right. I’m a good agent. I am a good daughter.

When I was in that ship, the sky in front of me, the earth under me, I thought I lose her.  
My Maggie.  
She would lose me, when I’m in space.  
I wanted to come back to her. The fear in her eyes when that gun was pointing at me, was almost too much. I don’t want to die without her knowing that I love her. She’s the one making me happy.   
I have to tell her, but I’m afraid? What do I fear? That she doesn’t love me? That I’m not enough for her?  
Maybe. I make lots of mistakes. I’m not perfect, but I want to be.  
She is perfect. She is strong.  
She makes me feel like I never felt before. Everytime we touch, when we only look at each other. She makes me tingly, she’s so beautiful inside and out and I get all sappy thinking about her. Oh god. I love her…

PS: I think we make an amazing team. She and I. Was like we were one person, fighting side by side. Trusting each other, protecting each other. Never wanna lose that.


	14. 2x16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie in that suit arresting Winn, meow. Yes that's the summary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hard to write something, if nothing really important happens. And I think I saw that right, that it's not really clear what happened at the end of last episode with Jeremiah, right? If I'm wrong please correct me, than I will change that up. I haven't found information about that.  
> Hope you enjoy, even if this pretty short! I appreciate each and everyone of you for commenting and leaving kudos! So thank you!!

Have I mentioned how freaking sexy Maggie is in her business suit? When we visited Winn in at the police station, she took my breath away. I’m so happy that we were on the same page with this suspicion that Lyra had possibly something to do with this art theft. I know I can negotiate with her, because she trusts me with my intuition and I do with her.  
But I must say, it would have been nice if she told me about it before she arrested Winn.  
So back to that suit. Her badass look was always a weakness for me. Her leather jacket, her tight fit jeans and that suit. I feel like a predator and wanna jump her. Should ask her if she wears that when she comes over from work. I get all antsy when I think of taking that off.

Next to that time limit to prove Winn’s innocence, there was the reveal that Mon-El is the prince of Daxam. He hasn’t got really nice traits. Lying and being a pig to my sister are not the only ones. I wish she would finally send him away. She isn’t happy and I’m wishing that so much for her. This is pretty hard on her, I hope she knows that she can talk to me.

You know what is the best thing? Sleeping together on the couch, caressing each other, watching some old movie and being near the woman I love. I feel so much at home when Maggie is in my arms. Even in the worst apocalyptic scenarios I feel at peace when I know that we’re together.  
Hopefully she’s moving in with me finally, her apartment is really just a storage place for her things right now. All her important things are already at my place. I love how she feels at home at my place. How she makes breakfast and dance in the kitchen when I come home from work. She can cook so much better than me.  
She holds me everytime I wake up from those dreams about dad. After that fight at Cadmus, I haven’t seen him again. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead, or what happened to him after I was in this spaceship. I wish I knew. The thought about him comes always back when I least expect it. I’m finally back at the start. But do I want to look for him again?


	15. 2x17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the ex-girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it how Alex has handled the whole Emily situation. Really really good. Still breakes my heart when she says: I'm here to help You heal.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! All mistakes are mine.

Maggie forced me with a bet to go into her yoga class. I traded the flash grenade into this. She’s really getting better at pool, must be my good influence. I couldn’t give her that grenade, she was begging for it, but I couldn’t. So I said yes to yoga classes.   
Silent stretching exercises are not a sport for me. My mind was more focused on her butt in those tight sport pants than on breathing and relaxing. Not my sport, but I made the best out of it.

Funny coincidence that we met Maggie’s ex-girlfriend. She looked nice and was pretty polite. It felt painfully awkward, I had the feeling something was unspoken and needed resolving between them two. I convinced Maggie to invite her for dinner tonight. Maggie was quiet after that. She hadn’t said much after on our way home and went under the shower straight after we got there.  
Was that wrong from me, to convince her to have a date with her ex? I don’t know the rules to that, but maybe they need to talk. I wish I knew what happened there.  
It’s in the past, so I won’t be angry, when Maggie did something “wrong”. It’s the past, she’s doing everything right with me, more than right. She can talk to me, if she want to. Like I know her, she won’t. I wonder if she is really not trusting me?

It nags at me that Maggie had never told me anything about her past relationships. I didn’t ask, I thought it’s not my place, but I wish a little that she would have. Is that ok? Am I dumb for this thought?

I hope this night isn’t ending in a disaster. 

I hope Kara is careful with this bounty hunter thing. One difficult situation is enough. Don’t need an intergalactic war over dinner tonight. Please, please go well….

~~

Okay, it was my fault forcing her practically to this dinner.  
Emily hasn’t shown up and the few things Maggie mentioned about her, made my blood boil.  
She was mean. You can’t say to someone you loved that they don’t deserve to be happy. It was 5 years of their lives.   
Emily told me what happened when I confronted her later. Maggie cheated on her. My Maggie did this. That was dumb. This hurt possibly like hell to Emily and again when she met us this morning.  
No reason to say such a horrible thing, though.  
After my initial shock, my heart broke.  
Maggie thought she is a bad person for having done this.  
But she is not, she is still the most wonderful person to me. She is trying to protect herself, not trusting anyone with her feelings. Possibly the reason she did this cheating thing.  
I wish I could take away all her bad memories of her terrible parents. They broke their little daughter’s heart and it’s still trying to heal.  
It would help her opening up, trusting me. I would never hurt her. God, I love her so much. My heart broke when she looked at me and expected me to break up with her. It is her past and I trust her.

We fixed the situation with Emily earlier and they talked alone. They had both a day to think about it and it was the right thing to do. They looked happy when they said goodbye.

I worry about Kara, she got hurt badly and all she thinks about is Mon-El. There is a war upon us, I feel it. I will stand by Kara, she’s my sister, but I hope when the time comes, she will make the right decision....


	16. 2x18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with 30 seconds of Alex and none for Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one makes me excited to write!!!  
> This one is short, but what will I do with those 30 seconds?   
> Hope you enjoy nevertheless :)

So boring these days. Not with Maggie, but with all what’s around. No work. Just knife practice this morning like every week.  
Maggie’s really trying to open up more. She told me about her relationship with Emily, how they lived together and we’re almost engaged, till that day, when Emily was on a business trip and Maggie panicked. They were close, so close and she went out with some friends and got drunk. She panicked and drunk more. So she slept with a girl from the bar. But she confessed the moment Emily got back.  
I trust her to tell the truth. She even told me about some girls she was with. Why it hasn’t worked out. She said, nobody was interested or understood what it is like to be a cop. How much work it is and how important the job was to her.  
Till there was me. I know because I am one too.  
I said it right then and there almost. It hung on my lips and she kissed me and made me forget my name.  
I will tell her, soon. I know it.

Kara is still with her guy. No war so far, haha that rhymed.   
I have no good feeling about this. I told no one, but my gut is almost right everytime. Except for vegan ice cream.  
I try to like Mon-El really. Gotta make a double date, with them and us. Maggie is still a little tense around Kara because of Supergirl. Maybe they can talk too.  
That’s an idea! Gotta plan that for the next few days!


	17. 2x19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex in the tank. They saved her. Maggie is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this, I hope you enjoy reading!   
> We get closer to the finale, and I wanted to ask, what should I do about the proposal??  
> End before that, or after? I mean we could only guess and interpret the spoiler pictures from season 3. What do you say? Your input would be appreciated :)  
> Thank you for your sweet comments, they really keep me going! So now enjoy!!

The water is running. Feels like I’m back in that tank. The water, the coldness, the darkness, loneliness.  
But it’s not me, it’s Maggie under the shower.   
Breathe.   
I’m safe.  
She is here and no water around me.  
It’s the first time Maggie leaves my side since they saved me. Kara and her. Together.  
First time I’m alone with myself.  
My heart is beating faster since she left the room. I’m in my bed and she is right in the next room, but I feel anxious.  
Panic.  
Breathe.  
We had situations like this in the DEO training, but(!) there were people who got you out if it was too much.  
I was dead, almost.  
My lungs still hurt with every breath. My throat is dry, feels like someone is sitting on my chest. My shoulder hurts. It’s getting better, but I hate this feeling of fear I have now. I must get this out of me.  
I don’t want to fear something. I can’t work with this feeling. I will go to our psychologist on monday. Hope this helps.  
The panic comes and goes. In my sleep I am back there, clawing myself on the wire mesh. Water in my mouth. In my lungs. The moment I was breathing out of the pants. I knew I could die there.   
I thought about Maggie and Kara and then I blacked out. I know now what dying feels like. I’m glad I held on for them. For Maggie. My Maggie. I love her. I said it to her. She said it back.  
The first time.  
We will have a lot more first times together.  
She saved me again.  
She’s already asleep again, curled next to me.  
Her wet hair tickles my arm, but I don’t mind. This fills me with warmth I never felt before. I never want to lose her. 

I wouldn't have thought that our double date could get worse, but it did and I almost lost my life. The good thing is, Maggie and Kara talked out their problems and Kara hopefully accepted her as my girlfriend and partner. That she is so important to me like Kara is.

I always come back to that moment where I woke up in that cell. I tried not to panic. It was like I saw myself from outside. Be productive and clever. Find a way out, because I’m such a smartass.   
I panicked when I heard Maggie’s voice and I got the feeling it will be close call to find me.   
I wanted to tell her then and there, but it was a good reason to hold on. She made me hold on for her. I did and now…  
I love her.   
She made softly love to me, she worshipped my body, my soul, made me hers. I flew away and she caught me when I came down. I love her.  
I showed her how much I am hers and made her mine afterwards. What she did for me… She tried illegal things to find and save me. Fuck her job. She just wanted to find me.  
I love her so much.  
She cares so much, but sometimes she forgets her own needs and feelings.  
I reminded her how much I care for her. I held her crying last night. She let all the tension go and curled into my arms.

Kara will come over later for breakfast. She told me, how that idiot was doing. I broke his nose and he is now rotting in the DEO arrest cell. Good.

PS: we will get a dog named Gertrude. How awesome is that?!


	18. 2x20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex meets that alien kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So peeps, almost the end. Hopefully I'm finishing today :) Thank you for your kind comments! Enjoy!

Kids.  
I never thought about kids before.  
I’m terrible with kids.  
It was so weird to be alone with Marcus. I was terrible. The worst thing is that he probably knew very well what I was thinking. I’m terrible with kids. It’s so embarrassing, I mean nobody at the DEO had training with kids, because we barely have them as suspects or victims. But now we had and I ate a burger in front of him. He didn’t acknowledge me, he was so focused on James, I hope he didn’t realised how poorly I am with kids.  
I never thought about having kids. Now with Maggie it’s a possibility, but we haven’t talked about that. It’s pretty soon for the kids talk.  
I know Maggie loves kids. I know when I see her face, when she talks about her colleague’s children and when her aunt calls and tells about her family and who of her relatives has another child.  
I think she wants kids. Pretty sure.  
Seems like I have to learn a lot about them.

Next to that kid in the DEO, we have now Daxamites hovering above our heads and National City. Hopefully they are not doing what I think they will do. Maggie called and told me, she stays at the precinct tonight. There are lots of panicking people and they need everyone there. I’m staying at the DEO too. We need to be ready if they attack.  
I miss her. Sigh. Another night separated. Stay safe my love.

I have still nightmares about water. The DEO psychologist is trying to work things out and we have to go through everything to find the healing point. Maggie holds me when I wake up next to her. I cry. The fear in my heart scares the shit out of me. It’s like I’m dying again and again. Maggie saves me when I wake up, but I want it to stop! So exhausting.  
Trying to get some sleep now, need some energy.


	19. 2x21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Daxamites attack. God save the bar!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished! Hope you enjoy the last two :)  
> All mistakes are still mine.

They attacked like I thought. Right in the morning they were on the streets, killing and enslaving civilians. They attacked the DEO too, my thoughts with Maggie, who called me for help. I couldn’t, I was in danger myself, but we met at the bar. Our place.  
The adrenaline rushed through my body, when I sprung from the DEO balcony. What a feeling, like dying (again). Kara caught me. Thanks Supergirl.  
When I had Maggie back in my arms, I finally relaxed a bit, even when we were under attack. All my loved ones were safe. J’onn still unconscious. Madam President, who is an alien by herself, is now ordering the DEO. We must fire against the mothership. Must kill Rhea.  
Mon-El and Lena are up there and I need to make time, that Kara can save them first.  
Maggie will help me. My love.  
Hopefully Kara will make it and Rhea will die in a hell of an explosion.  
Kara is now on her way, Maggie and I will make our way into the DEO to fire the cannon.  
Wish me luck!


	20. 2x22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marry me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of season 2. I included the proposal. Hopefully you enjoy it! Let me know if you wanna read more of Alex' diary in season 3 <3 Thank you so much for reading, your kudos and comments! I appreciate everyone of you!

MARRY ME  
I said THAT!  
OMG!  
But first things first:  
Kara had a very tough decision to make. She made the right one. She saved the world and sacrificed her love. I don’t know if I could be as strong as her. I never really liked Mon-El but I hadn’t wished him a goodbye like this from earth.  
She really is heartbroken and her only wish was that I keep Maggie. So I asked her to  
MARRY ME.  
Oh my god. It was so spontaneous, but it was right! The smile she gave me was unbelievingly beautiful. Tears in her eyes and mine. She kissed me deeply and nodded.   
Oh yes, she will marry me. Not right away, but it was a promise. We will be together. Always.  
Love and pain is sometimes so close.

I almost had to shoot Kara from the sky. Lilian Luthor tricked her and Rhea let Superman fight for her. Good that Kal-El destroyed that fucking cannon. I almost…  
Maggie was by my side and she would have supported me no matter what. I know this. I couldn’t…  
This is why I know how awful Kara must feel now. She had to make the same decision.

Now I’m engaged and Kara is alone. Maggie sleeps next to me. Finally we can relax. The Daxamites are gone, no danger right now. My body feels tense. Still this thrilling feeling in my chest. I will marry her. We will be together. We will have a dog and a kid? Maybe. I was never so sure with something like this. Feels like a dream. But this time I don’t want to wake up.   
Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or some love if you want to read more!


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